there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
