Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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