So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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