My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
