you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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