Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
