ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
