I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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