I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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