Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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