Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
