Who wears a wallet chain?!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
how drunk are you?
Several
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
