Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
