She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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