just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
