Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have tasted many bathrooms
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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