He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
