Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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