my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
