Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
