Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
When are your genitals available?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
