By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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