I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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