I am in a vortex of obligation.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
