I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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