i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
