So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
