So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My bed smells like the plague
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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