it was like eating out sand paper
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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