I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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