I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
