I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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