ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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