My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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