this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Randomize
