it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
