Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
