it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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