i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Who did Billy Mays play for?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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