I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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