is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My vagina is very pro this idea
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
