And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
