...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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