I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Randomize
