I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
