She is in my trunk
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
