I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I want a musical about memes.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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