hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
