ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize