i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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