it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
