she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
