I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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