yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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