No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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