my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
