you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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