I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
