So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you inspire me to be a worse person
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
