So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it glows. i had to have it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I party with great urgency now.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
