whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
