I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
