i jhust puked up my retainher.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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