Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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