be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I will be naked everywhere
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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